How to Choose Your First Sex Toy: A Beginner’s Guide

Congratulations on deciding to take care of yourself!  Too often our sexual health comes last to everything else. Choosing to take care of your sexual health will make you happier.

Choice.  Choice is a wonderful thing.  It gives us agency and independence. Choosing your first Sex Toy should be both of those things, but it can be challenging when buying your toy on-line.  On-line stores give you plenty of choices and, importantly, they allow you to be discreet with your intimate purchase.  We can help guide your first choice!

With this article, we will help you find the toy that is best suited to you.

Quick Links

• Why Do People Choose to Use Sex Toys?
• How Popular are Sex Toys?
• Start With the Sensation You Want
• Consider Your Lifestyle, Not Just Your Anatomy
• Compare the Features That Actually Matter
• Five Common Beginner Myths
• What We Learned from Eight Wellness-Conference Winners
• How to Use Your First Sex Toy
• My Honest Recommendation for a First Sex Toy

Why Do People Choose to Use Sex Toys?

A 2025 cross-country study¹ of 11,944 adults found that sex toy ownership and use were associated with higher sexual and life satisfaction. Some forms of ownership and partnered use were also associated with relationship satisfaction. 

How Popular are Sex Toys?

Sex toys are not limited to one age, gender or relationship status. A nationally representative US study² found that 52.5% of women age 18 to 60 had used a vibrator. More recent research³ involving women aged 60 and older found substantial sex-toy use during masturbation and partnered sex, challenging the assumption that sexual exploration belongs only to younger adults.

People may use toys for solo pleasure, partnered exploration, added stimulation, curiosity or support with a sexual-health concern. Whatever your reason, the goal is not to buy the toy someone else says you should want. It is to find a safe, comfortable way to learn more about what your body enjoys.

Start With the Sensation You Want

Before comparing products, think about the sexual experiences you already enjoy.
You do not need to know exactly what will make you orgasm. You only need a starting point.

For People With Vulvas

Consider which of the following sensations interests you the most:

•    External clitoral or vulval stimulation
•    Pinpoint vibration on a specific area
•    Internal or vaginal stimulation
•    A combination of internal and external stimulation
•    Anal stimulation

If external touch is usually what feels best, a bullet vibrator, wand or flexible massager may make more sense than a large insertable toy.

If you enjoy penetration, you may prefer a dildo, an insertable vibrator or a dual-stimulation design. However, penetration is not required for pleasure or orgasm, and a beginner should not feel pressured to choose an insertable toy simply because it looks more “advanced.”

This guide focuses primarily on toys for people with vulvas. We will explore toys for people with penises and partnered use in separate guides.

Consider Your Lifestyle, Not Just Your Anatomy

The right toy also needs to fit into your real life.

Ask yourself:

•    Do I need the toy to look discreet or non-anatomical?
•    Would I feel uncomfortable if a child, visitor or roommate found it?
•    Will I travel with it?
•    Is quiet operation important?
•    Do I want discreet shipping and neutral packaging?

These questions are not superficial. If you feel anxious every time you store, charge or clean the toy, you may not use it.

At a Toronto wellness conference where Velora presented several massagers and vibrators, two attendees won our lipstick-style toys through raffle activities. When we followed up three weeks later, one told us that the toy had been sitting openly on her office desk because it did not look like a conventional sex toy.  Also with a wink, she also said “it is so quiet, just like a lipstick.”

Compare the Features That Actually Matter

External Versus Internal Use

External toys are generally less intimidating because you control exactly where and how much pressure is applied. For example, Velora’s vibrators can also be used across the vulva, penis, nipples, inner thighs and other sensitive areas.

Internal toys require more attention to:

•    Insertable length and width
•    Shape and curvature
•    Flexibility
•    Lubrication
•    Whether the toy has an easy-to-hold base or handle

For anal use, always choose a purpose-designed product with a wide, flared base. A toy without a flared base can move farther into the rectum than intended.

Vibration Strength and Vibration Patterns

Power matters, but power is not the only factor.

Some people prefer a steady, deep vibration. Others respond better to pulses, waves or gradual changes. A toy with several patterns may help a beginner explore without immediately needing to buy another product.

At Velora, we recommend comparing:

•    The lowest available setting
•    The strength of the highest setting
•    Whether the toy offers steady vibration
•    The number and variety of patterns

A toy can be powerful and still feel elegant or controlled. It can also have many speeds but only one sensation that works for you. The specification list cannot predict your response, but it can tell you how much room the toy gives you to experiment.

Material

Material should never be an afterthought.

For insertable toys, nonporous materials such as 100% silicone, hard plastic, stainless steel and appropriate glass products are generally easier to clean because they do not readily absorb fluids.

At Velora, we offer vibrators made of medical-grade silicone. Look for a reputable brand, clear material disclosure, proper care instructions and a seller that can answer questions about the product.

Also check whether the toy:

•    Has a strong chemical smell
•    Feels sticky before use
•    Has visible seams, cracks or rough edges
•    Provides clear cleaning instructions
•    Identifies every material that may contact the body

If a product page uses only vague language such as “soft touch material” without explaining what that material is, ask before buying.

Charging, Controls and Battery Life

A beautiful toy is not helpful if it is constantly uncharged or frustrating to operate.

Check:

•    Whether it is rechargeable or battery-operated
•    How long a full charge takes
•    Approximate operating time

Noise Level

Manufacturers may describe toys as quiet, whisper-quiet or discreet, but there is no universal standard for those terms.

Reviews can be especially helpful here. Look for comments from people who tested the toy behind a closed door, under bedding or in a shared home.

Five Common Beginner Myths

Myth: Any Household Item Can Be Used as a Sex Toy

Household objects are not designed or tested for sexual use. They may break, splinter, trap bacteria, cause irritation or become difficult to remove.

Purpose-designed sex toys offer safer shapes, appropriate bases and materials intended for body contact. Planned Parenthood⁴ specifically cautions that do-it-yourself objects may break or cause reactions.

Convenience is not worth an emergency-room visit⁵.

Myth: Bigger Toys Create More Pleasure

Pleasure is not measured in inches/cm.

A larger product may create discomfort, anxiety or pain. A smaller toy may provide more targeted stimulation and give you greater control.

The best beginner size is one that allows you to relax.

Myth: The Most Powerful Toy Is the Best Toy

Some people love very strong vibration. Others become numb, overstimulated or uncomfortable.

A useful beginner toy should ideally offer a range, including a genuinely gentle starting level. Pattern variety may be just as important as maximum power.

Myth: One Toy Works the Same Way for Everyone

Bodies respond differently.

A product with thousands of positive reviews may do nothing for you. A simple toy that looks less impressive may become your favourite.

Your first toy is not an exam you can pass or fail. It is one piece of information about your body.

Myth: Using a vibrator too often will permanently numb you

There is no good evidence that ordinary vibrator use causes permanent loss of genital sensitivity. Temporary numbness or reduced sensation can occur after prolonged or intense stimulation, but it generally resolves after taking a break. If numbness persists, is painful or occurs without recent stimulation, speak with a healthcare professional.

What We Learned from Eight Wellness-Conference Winners

At a recent wellness conference in Toronto, Velora invited attendees, most of whom were sex therapists, to contribute their perspectives on sexual-wellness questions. Sixteen participants received Velora products: eight received vibrators, while eight received other sexual-wellness products.

We followed up three weeks later to ask about their experiences. Their feedback was anecdotal and personal rather than a clinical endorsement, but it revealed several useful lessons for beginners.

The Heart Vibrator: Softness and Power Can Coexist

Three participants received the Heart vibrator.

The most consistent feedback was that it felt very soft while still providing substantial power. Participants were also surprised by the flexibility of the vibration patterns.

One person told us that she enjoyed it more than a popular lemon-shaped toy she had previously used.

The lesson is not that one design is better for everyone. It is that beginners do not necessarily have to choose between a gentle exterior and a strong motor. Material feel, shape, power and patterns can work together.

The Lipstick Toy: Exploration Without Intimidation

Two participants received the Lipstick toy.

They liked its discreet appearance and interchangeable heads, which allowed them to try different sensations using one device. One kept it openly on her office desk without feeling embarrassed.

For someone who does not yet know what type of stimulation they prefer, interchangeable attachments can offer a lower-pressure way to experiment.

The Popsicle Toy: Pleasure Can Be Playful

Three participants received the Popsicle toy.

Feedback focused on its colourful, playful appearance and the way the internal stick moved with strength while still feeling controlled. One couple particularly enjoyed using it together.

Individual results will vary, but one participant reported reaching climax within a time that was considered relatively quick by herself.

How to Use Your First Sex Toy

Take It for a Pre-Pleasure Test Run

Before using the toy on your genitals:

•    Charge it fully
•    Read the care and safety instructions
•    Wash it as directed
•    Inspect it for damage
•    Learn how to turn it off quickly
•    Test every button
•    Try the vibration on your hand, forearm or inner thigh
•    Identify the lowest setting
•    Practise switching between speeds and patterns

Start Slower Than You Think You Need To

There is no prize for reaching the highest setting.

Explore More Than One Body Part

Explore:

•    The outer vulva
•    The labia
•    The area around the clitoral hood
•    The inner thighs
•    The perineum
•    The nipples
•    The lower abdomen
•    The penis or scrotum
•    Other areas where vibration feels relaxing or exciting

Use Lubricant

A water-based lubricant is generally a safe default for most toys. Silicone-based lubricant may damage some silicone toys, so always check the manufacturer’s compatibility instructions. Oil-based products may also be incompatible with latex condoms.
More lubricant is not a sign that your body has failed to become aroused. Lubrication can change because of hormones, stress, medication, hydration and many other factors.

Change the Pattern, Not Only the Speed

Your body may respond more strongly to pauses, pulses or waves than to constant maximum vibration. 

Release the Pressure to Orgasm

A first session does not need to end in orgasm to be worthwhile. 
You may discover a setting you dislike, or an area that is more sensitive than expected.

Take Breaks

If an area begins to feel numb, overly sensitive or uncomfortable, pause or move the toy somewhere else.

A break may last a few seconds, several minutes or until another day. There is no need to push through discomfort.

Pain is a signal to stop, not a stage of being a beginner that you must tolerate.

Clean and Store Your Toy

Clean the toy before and after use according to the manufacturer’s instructions. Allow it to dry fully before storing it in a clean, dry place.

Do not submerge a product unless it is specifically described as waterproof. If a toy is shared or moved between different body openings, clean it first or use a new condom over the toy. Store products away from children and pets.

My Honest Recommendation for a First Sex Toy

Choosing the right toy for yourself is important. However, do not expect your first Sex Toy to reveal everything about your sexuality.

Give yourself the permission to explore without treating pleasure as another task with a right or wrong answer. Be okay with what brings you joy in a safe and healthy way. Enjoy.

Sources:

1. Hald, Gert Martin, Silvia Pavan and Camilla S. Øverup. “Do Sex Toys Make Me Satisfied? The Use of Sex Toys in Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, France, and the UK.” The Journal of Sex Research, vol. 62, no. 5, 2025, pp. 735–749. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/epdf/10.1080/00224499.2024.2304575?needAccess=true
2. Herbenick D, Reece M, Sanders S, Dodge B, Ghassemi A and Fortenberry JD. “Prevalence and Characteristics of Vibrator Use by Women in the United States: Results From a Nationally Representative Study.” The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2009. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19453881/
3. Hille JJ, Graham CA and Sanders SA. “Sex Toy Use Among a Demographically Representative Sample of Women 60 and Older in the United States.” Menopause, 2026.
4. Planned Parenthood. “Sex Toys” and safer-sex educational guidance. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/sex-and-pleasure/sex-toys
5. Cupido, Gerry. “Emergency Room Visits: The Surprising Dangers of Household Items and Sex Toys.” Sunday Independent, June 26, 2025. https://sundayindependent.co.za/lifestyle/love-sex/2025-06-26-emergency-room-visits-the-surprising-dangers-of-household-items-and-sex-toys/